There's much more to estate planning, however, than avoiding estate taxes.

It's particularly important for grown children of divorced parents to have frank discussions about estate planning. With the nation's divorce rate at around 50% and increased life expectancy rates leading to remarriage in later life, many children in so-called blended families are at risk of being inadvertently disinherited.

If Dad remarries after Mom dies, he might find it too painful and embarrassing to discuss estate planning with his new wife. But if he dies first and without a will, depending on the state where the couple lived, wife No. 2 could automatically inherit half his estate, all his retirement plans and even treasured family heirlooms.

Disinheritance, whether accidental or intentional, is painful. Many attorneys urge parents not to cut children out of their estates, even when the parents have good intentions. At the very least, they recommend that both generations talk first.

Parents sometimes want to leave little or nothing to a child who is successful in favor of another child who has a history of money, mental or substance-abuse problems. Some want to reward the child who cared for them in their final years.

These might all be valid reasons, but for the child who is left nothing, especially without warning, it can be the ultimate rejection.

A parent who disowns the child who was always the black sheep might feel vindicated, but could be setting up the "good children" for years of strife when they would prefer to reconcile with their fallen sibling.

Having a frank family discussion could help parents pick the right child to be executor, not necessarily the eldest.

Some of the most important items to be passed on are often forgotten in estate planning -- personal possessions. Parents might not realize this unless children tell them that they would like to have Mom's emerald ring, Dad's golf clubs or Grandpa's baseball gloves.

Timing, Tact and Tenacity Some estate planning do's and don'ts

Consider your parents' financial history. Having lived through hard times, they might consider you a know-nothing spendthrift.

They may still consider you a child, who lost his lunch money most days at school.

Find a good time. Before an overseas trip or surgery could present an opportunity to ask if everything is in order. If a family friend dies and leaves an estate in shambles, ask if they are better prepared.

Find a conversation starter, in a magazine or on television -- not at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Include your siblings, so you don't appear to be cutting a side deal.

Be gently persistent. Don't expect to get through to your parents overnight.

Use tact. Remember that the discussion is ultimately about death and disability. Nobody likes to feel old.

If all else fails, get your own estate planning done and talk about the process with your folks. This is usually the best approach.

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